padayon

 hello hello.

my head feels so foggy these days ive been meaning to put pen to paper but i always find myself rotting in bed instead. i guess i can blame myself for that since i worked for 13 days straight last week >.< the only motivation i have right now is that im finally getting married to the love of my life and we're about to start the rest of our lives together. oh, what an adventure this married life is going to be 🤍 i read a quote the other day: "it's a long journey ahead, make sure you're holding the right hand." looking back at the past 10 years with him, it was never smooth sailing. i have had to fight with all my demons to finally get to a place where i can love him the way he deserves to be loved. through it all, he never gave up on me. even on my worst days, he always saw the light in me. he is truly the man I prayed to God for. 

i saw Hello Love Again the other night while doing my overnight shift - and i wept like a baby. it truly doesnt matter where life may lead you. home is where joy can be found. a place where one stops crying, where you can come back to when you're tired, afraid, empty and lonely. and he is my home. the past 5 years alone, ive lived in 5 different zip codes and 10 years before that, i moved away from the only life i've ever known. since then i've always had this uneasy feeling that i dont know where home is anymore - until i met him.

i turned 30 a few months ago and i wish i had my old friends (aka agatha, precious, heineken and kenneth) by my side to usher in this new era. iphone has a bittersweet way of reminding me of our memories together. nyazo told me to invite them to the wedding. it took me a long time to make peace with their absence in my life. if they chose not to respond, it will only open the scabs of my otherwise healing wound. there's a reason God takes some people away in your life. when were older and in a much different place in our lives and for some reason, we meet again, i just hope we won't be strangers because they will always have a piece of my heart. welp, that's an entirely different blog post.

career-wise, im striving for more. working as an LPN for over two years now (and although im filled with regret for not doing this sooner) i realized that i'm passionate about the work i do, especially taking care of my patients. I want to go back to school and pursue my RN.

life feels different lately. im grateful to God for the answered prayers but a small part of me still feels sad. i had the sudden realization that i've lost my spark. idk if its the long winter or the lack of sunlight or this excruciating wait between now and moving in with my *future* husband. oh well ttfn <333